The Decision to Be Happy Now

I woke this morning from a devastating nightmare. 

Sweating, crying, and shaken to my core, 

I arose from my bed before sunrise, made myself a cup of coffee, and went immediately into deep prayer, giving to Spirit this, my deepest fear,  

And asking God to take it from me. 

In answer to my prayer for Love’s help, 

I was shown, on this eve of a  full moon in Scorpio,  

 a potential future outcome of the hatred of the world I had been nurturing in my heart for its ignorance, cruelty, and violence. 

For lo, though my hatred of the world in which one must pay to live was valid, 

Hate still produces the loss of everything I love. 

It was as if I had been visited by the ghost of my possible future, 

If I didn’t choose to be happy now, 

When I had the chance so easily to be so.  

I saw how even when I did have my precious child in happiness and health, 

I was choosing to be preoccupied with my grievances with the world. 

I was shown, by God’s merciful grace, 

That while I had the means to keep my beautiful home, 

I was still consumed by anger at how the world only takes, and then takes the little you have left. 

In short, I was given the vision to see how I had chosen not to be happy,  

Even when I had all I really needed, 

And the future lack I was creating  

In my continuing Hate of the devil, who only takes. 

I decided then and there, with my warm cup of coffee and the Spring snow falling outside, 

To be happy for all I  had, 

Trusting that my gratitude for these gifts from God now, 

Would provide the means as well,  for my happiness in the future, whatever that may be. 

In a holy instant, 

My hatred for the world, and the accompanying terror of loss of my child, my home, and my beloved, 

Was replaced with the deepest of gratitude to God for the peace, love, and provisions, 

That, undoubtedly, I had received.